Sapiosexual qualities were the secret to great sex that was hidden in plain sight
I suspect I’ve always had a sapiosexual nature and that I efficiently suppressed it. Why? To inadvertently rob myself of great sex, of course.
Maybe I’ve always had a sapiosexual inclination. Maybe I just suppressed it, or it was overshadowed by tangible qualities in a partner.
As I was standing in the kitchen drafting a tweet, I thought to myself, “There’s something so much more enjoyable about sex with someone when you know the persons dreams, values, or last name.”
One-night stands have had their moments in my past. They were fun. Some were even memorable. What’s interesting is that the number of one-night stands I’ve had where I wasn’t inebriated feels like a number between one and zero. To be completely honest, any one-night stand I had before I turned 21 years old, in accordance with the custom in the USA, should be understood that I was sober. So, in the math where I am trying to recall having a one-night stand after I became drinking age, I can’t remember one.
I brought up that point to acknowledge that in order for me to go through with the act of having sex with a stranger, I needed to indulge in a substance that altered my state of mind. I needed to have a drink or several.
I need some level of mental stimulation from my sexual partner. That much I understand. In my recent experiences with sexual partners, sober sex was fantastic when I felt that the person and I were on a similar wavelength mentally. We’d had high-level conversations about a little romantic relationship history, parenting values, communication styles, etc. Having a conversation about sex before having sex made the sex even more sweet.
I’m saying this all to say I don’t think this sapiosexual behavior is new to me. Today, I’m happy to lean into it.
I should note that I’m aware of the textbook definition of sapiosexual. I feel like since I’m sharing these thoughts with the Internet, I should defend my correct usage of the word. Sapiosexual means to be aroused by intelligence. One might argue I have misused the term based on one’s definition of intelligence.
Well, I don’t see intelligence as something that can be measured by an IQ test. For me, to be intelligent means to be smart at something. When you talk with a person to get to know them, you’ll discover what skills or talents they perform at a high level. You’ll hear a little bit more passion in their speech when they talk about doing those things and the impact the things have on them.
This is what reels me in. These are the moments of conversation where I scoot to the edge of my seat and lean forward. This is the stuff that gets me going. It may not be a sexual appeal, but it’s a feeling of excitement. The person reveals their intelligence, and I’m attracted to the reveal.